Creating meaningful actions despite our feelings and thoughts
I attended a two day workshop on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and I remember this real story that was shared.
A lady in the audience spoke to the lecturer in the break. He asked if he could briefly share her story and she agreed. She had been looking forward to this workshop, however just days ago had been diagnosed with a reasonably serious illness. She said she couldn’t stop thinking about it and it was destroying her ability to concentrate on the workshop content. Did the lecturer have any tips on how she could focus and enjoy the workshop more?
The first response was obviously being sorry to hear such news. Then the response was that it’s understandable her feelings and thoughts were present in the room. That these were foremost in her mind.
I think we often like situations to be ideal. Acceptance and commitment therapy is based around the assumption that we live our lives daily with our feelings/emotions and thoughts, often painful, and we get angry with ourselves for not managing them or try to fight to get rid of them.
Instead, this is where the acceptance comes in. Instead of being frustrated by these emotions and thoughts, the aim is to recognise that of course they’re going to be there. That lady still attended the workshop. Carrying out this action that was meaningful to her - learning. She could be celebrating herself, her actions and her courage instead.
The measurement of ACT is not based on performance outcomes but whether you carry out meaningful action despite your feelings and thoughts. That is where the commitment part comes in.
I appreciate sometimes our feelings and thoughts can be super loud and impactful. Like this lady was experiencing.
Sometimes, I find if I negotiate with my emotions and thoughts, considering them external to me. Saying something like OK emotions and thoughts I know you’re going to be sitting alongside me today eg during this workshop. All I ask is that I can focus a little more on the content, because this is meaningful to me. Every time you repeat this is “meaningful to me”, it shifts the action to the forefront of your mind. You also don’t focus so much on the emotions and thoughts because they know you’ve made space for them. That’s how to reduce the “noise”.
Hopefully this makes sense!
Kelly Perry
BAppSc, PostGradCertBusAdmin, PostGradCertPolSt, DipCounselling
Author of The Counselling Edition (2024)
