Why you don’t focus on your emotions
In interiors we can capture an emotion. For example, you might go for the boho casual vibe, or maybe you’re going for the rich, elegant, classical vibe. When you walk into these rooms it will create a distinct emotion.
However, these rooms are “static”. Our lives are different! We dynamically live seeing a lot of different people with different values, often in a lot of different environments. So, within a day we might experience 20 different emotions, sometimes in a short span of hours! Therefore, if we try to aim for an emotion in our life, like our home interiors, we’re going to be disappointed and confused.
It’s not possible to always be calm, confident, happy, beachy, boho, elegant or joyful. You fill in the emotion. As we’re human!
Now I know there is a lot of focus on being able to sit with our difficult emotions, however I take a slightly different approach. I recognise (acceptance) that every day I’m going to experience a range of emotions, so emotion management isn’t what I’m striving for, or focus on. Instead, my focus is on forward momentum of what’s meaningful to me.
So, if I become distinctly annoyed, angry or feel bad. Yes, it hurts! I just recognise that these emotions live with me, often daily. My aim is to keep shifting through (even if a bit slower) the actions that are meaningful to me eg work, writing blogs, enjoying time with my husband and friends, despite these emotions.
Yes, sometimes I need to address what’s annoying me, making me angry or feeling bad, however, I’m conscious of what we describe in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, as are you driving the bus? Which is a question about if you’re on your bus (you’re the bus driver of your life), are you currently:
(i) driving in the direction that is meaningful to you
(ii) dealing with or being highly influenced by the passengers on your bus, which are your emotions and thoughts, often coming from other people (past or present), society or our own self doubt.
Ideally you want to be driving the bus. Why? Because you’re the bus driver of your life and it’s a lot more fun moving in the direction you want, despite the daily noise!
Kelly Perry
BAppSc, PostGradCertBusAdmin, PostGradCertPolSt, DipCounselling
Author of The Counselling Edition (2024)
